Anxiety

I realized that God was calling me to share my testimony, so soon I will. I believe the anxiety attacks that I've been having is just Satan trying to stop me. It's frustrating being calm and not thinking about anything, and then WHAM! I'm battling an anxiety attack. I had a breakthrough, and God had to take me back over every single thing that I went through to show me that He was right there, I had to go through that to receive healing. I feel joy, I feel peace, and it's amazing. I absolutely love it. I still have my bad days, but I know who wins in the end, and that's what keeps me going.
Semester is off to a pretty uncertain start, my job may or maynot be. ^_^ I hate that, but I know when I'm suppose to be working, it will be there at the perfect timing. I've started running, this helps with the stress sometimes. I'm steady moving forward because I have a future to move towards. I can't keep looking back at what has happened to me. So this is me officially saying...I'M MOVING FORWARD! The past will simply be a 'gift' that will help me later achieve what I want most. (Grades are looking good for those of you wondering!)
I'm praying about what I'm suppose to be doing this summer, so hopefully I'll be finding out so I can earn some finances. Well I love you all and miss you dearly. I'll see you in May!!

PUSH

If truly in God's presence and following Him, He will impregnates us with a vision, with a promise. Even in the bad times, thru the pain, thru the sorrow; there will be a seed. The sorrow tells us that God is trying to get something through or to us. We may have to stay on the table for a while before that baby is delievered, but if we don't focus on that baby and focus on the pain instead, what will we have to show? We will forget to push that vision to life. We drop the baby and hold onto the pain.
Drop the pain, hold the baby. This is the only way to go. Why go through so long of carrying this vision around and then dropping it. Don't let someone else raise your vision. Don't let the pain overpower love. Don't let the past overpower the future. Drop the past, grab hold of the future. Release the pain of the past, so you can live in the promises of the future. God will not abandon you, He will teach you how to raise this baby/vision. Seek Him, He's ready for all of you. He won't let you go through all of that pain for nothing. There's something for you. Push through the pain and tears. He's right there coaching you. He loves you. After the pain there will be desire. Run after Him, and PUSH.

My Life, My Love, My ALL

It's amazing how God works, even when you don't realize it. When we give everything to Him every little thing...it all comes together. We won't ever heal if we don't take off the bandaid and let air reach the scar. We will never be able to breath correctly until we have let go of everything. God never said life was going to be easy, but He did say He will be with you and NEVER forsake you. It's amazing, and I love it. So I've determined...He's getting My Life, My Love, and My ALL. Missing you all and can't wait to come home for Thanksgiving.

Wondering

I'm consumed with His love, and it feels so good. I feel free and capable of handling anything. I use to hate not being in control, now I realize-it's not my life to control. God is amazing, God is loving, God is everything I need Him to be at all times. I didn't want to give Him control, but it took being broken down to realize that. It took trials and tribulations, bad experiences to realize that sometimes we have to go through the junk in life, but He can make it all in to treasure and glorify His name. God knew me even before I knew myself, He knows everything I need before I ask for it, and I realized...sometimes I don't ask for His grace and love, but He gives anyways. I love how He loves me. I'm getting baptized on Wednesday, and I tell you...He guided the path for me to come here, and He will guide my path as I walk here and everywhere forever more.

Problems and Stress

Just need a break.

Scream Time

I'm ready to scream. I'm so frustrated with the 'legal' issues and 'financial' issues with the bus accident. Just on the stressed side of things right now. Gradually feel better. Went back to the ER and got more meds, but still...everything is turning all at once.

SCARS & Healing

Someone
Cares
About
Raddled
Souls

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows]. ~Psalm 147: 3 (Amplified Bible)

“The power of the Gospel is not just for the sins you committed. There is healing in the Gospels for the sins committed against you.” David Nasser

I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:9-10 (TNIV)

“A wounded heart can never beat as fast.” David Nasser

God cares about you, He cares about the sins you have committed, He cares about the sins that were committed against you. You may be thinking “why should I trust God, He already has let so many bad things happen to me?” “My father left me fatherless, why should I trust the Father of the universe, He’ll just leave me too when I need Him most?” God will NEVER leave you. God has a method to His madness. He has a Reason for doing what He is doing in you. Give God these offenses made and committed He can handle it. Let God break your heart. He will put it back together, but more perfectly, more like Him. God won’t pull you through something you can’t get through. He loves you TOO much. He WON’T leave His child alone. My heart has been and is being broken and I can’t stand it. I like most don’t want others to see my hurts, pains, insecurities, mistakes, and failures, but God he wants to see these things. By not sharing with others it only made it hard to share with God. I had this feeling that hew was just like every other person on this Earth: listens to my story says “oh” and leaves it at that. Fortunately God is not like that. God cares too much about us to just leave us to die. He wants us to lean on Him. Through our brokenness, through our insecurities, pains, mistakes, and failures He WANTS us. This is so hard to grasp, but we are beautiful black sheep to Him, we are precious in his sight. We won’t grow in Christ if we don’t give to Him these things; we only hinder ourselves. Give God your heart and Trust and Believe that He knows what He’s doing, and He won’t let you go. He is there, and He will walk you through the fire. Let Him heal you. He’s been healing me since I got here to VA, and each time I’m one step closer to where He wants me to be. Each time I give everything to Him, He shows me something new and amazing…He shows me True LOVE and COMPASSION. He shows me what a FATHER is, He lets me know that I am HIS and I am BEAUTIFUL. God is Great!
This is my desire, to Honor You
Lord with all my heart I worship You
All I have within meI give You praise
All that I adore is in You

Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have Your way in me